Posted by: Shell | November 3, 2008

Election Eve

My friends have been nagging me to write a political blog post since I’m so outspoken in person about politics but my thought was – you guys don’t want to hear me regurgitate some “There are more than two parties, people!” diatribe to all of you.

I’m tired of the commercials, you’re tired of the commercials… the last thing you need is one more endorsement to make you go insane and kill your neighbors. “He was always so quiet and kept to himself.” you’d hear the other neighbors say on the 6 o’clock news.

Instead, I’ll give you my dream cabinet. If *I* were in charge of the world.

These choices were based not just on International opinion of us because face it, I’ve put some scary mothers in charge of security. It’s also based on the caricatures these departments have become and the ease in which we, as a society, place a character in a role instead of knowing what they truly represent.

Some appointments were simply for my amusement and hopefully the amusement of others around me.

And I cannot go without crediting my husband, Alan, for his vital contributions to this list. Who knew that Chong was really the drug expert and not Cheech?

Though we have long since ceased to be under a monarchy, I like to think of us (Alan and myself) as the King and Queen of this new political era.

Those of you disgusted with two-party systems and hoping for REAL change and not the other head of this two-headed beast called the Republicats or Demopubs pay close attention. You do not have to suffer your electile dysfunction alone!


Years past have always produced one particular name in American Politics – proof that you need not be qualified for the position if the people want you badly enough but truth be told, those that think McCain too old should really stop writing in “Mickey Mouse.” First, he’s a mouse. There’s no chair that’s going to fit him and unless Algernon is running as his VP, we’re not going to get a lot of serious national commitment out of him.

Instead, I present you with OUR vision for national leaders:

President – Martin Sheen
Vice President – Arnold Schwartznegger
Secretary of Defense – Chuck Norris
Chief of Staff – Christopher Walken
Secretary of State – Bill Mahr
National Security Advisor – Sylvester Stallone
Secretary of the Treasury – Ben Stein
Attorney General – Jack Nicholson
Secretary of Homeland Security – Bruce Willis
Secretary of the Interior – Woody Harrelson
Secretary of Agriculture – Willie Nelson
Secretary of Commerce – Paris Hilton
Secretary of Labor – Sally Field
Secretary of Health and Human Services – Richard Simmons
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development – Martha Stewart
Secretary of Transportation – Dale Earnhart, Jr.
Secretary of Energy – Ed Begley, Jr.
Secretary of Education – Morgan “The Batman” Freeman
Secretary of Veterans Affairs – Oliver Stone
Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency – Bear Grylls
Director of the Office of Management and Budget – Dave Ramsey
Director of the National Drug Control Policy – Tommy Chong
United States Trade Representative – Kyle MacDonald (the red paper clip guy – look him up!)
Chairman, Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System – Donald Trump
Commissioner of the Social Security Administration – Abe Vigoda
Director of National Intelligence – Fred Thompson
And my personal favorite ….
Whitehouse Spokesperson/Press Secretary – Antonio Banderas. (If I have
to watch these impromptu and boring interruptions, I want to have some eye candy.)

Thank you.

God bless you and God bless America!



  1. I have a write-in for a potential “King of the World” position…< HREF="" REL="nofollow">Technoviking<>…there is no other.

  2. Antonio just takes my breath away. I can’t stop going back to my blog post for just that reason.I think HE should be “Kind of the World” and I can be his manservant. ;o)

  3. Totally agree on press secretary. He could make evasive double speak sound attractive.

  4. I don’t know why presidents don’t think of this. We definitely need eye candy for the press secretary. I can guarantee the things would be watched much more often.

  5. Shell, I like your selections. Too bad we can’t go with them and see what happens (The country would probably work much better than it does now…).I definitely agree on the press secretary! George Stephonopolis (sp)was the worst…and his name always made me think of a puppet on Sesame Street for some reason…

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